My Thoughts
by Kouga518
Summary: A young Kindred ponders the many mysteries and quandries of life as a member of the undead. There's no language, but I'm rating it T for some vampiric references. One Shot.


A/N: This is a collection of thoughts and self-developed nuances that me and my brother Xeno have discovered during the course of our playing the game Vampire: The Masquerade. The ideas are written from the perspective of my character (myself). If you have questions or ideas, you know my email.

**My Thoughts**

Many people claim to be afraid of the things that supposedly stalk the night. But it's such a silly notion. Vampires, werewolves, zombies, ghosts, and ghouls were all just a figment of the over active human imagination.

I smile to myself as I think of this. It's good that humans think this. It means the masquerade is still working. As I sit here in the small study area, reading research papers and studying books of arcane lore, I smile as I think how much my 'life' has changed in these thirty years.

Of course, dying does tend to make you think that way.

Though it's not all bad, it's not all good either. Becoming a hunter of the night and a drinker of human blood does take some getting used to. Once you get past that, and how you have to hide yourself from the sun every day, it's really not all so bad. But my thoughts do linger back to the day of my death. It brings a smile to my face on most nights; I always knew it would be a woman that was the death of me.

But to shed ones mortality, to become a creature of myth and legend, to become the thing that strikes fear into people's heart as they walk down a dark, shadowy street is something that deserves some kind of honorable mention. But this line of thinking distracts my thoughts again to other topics. Immortality does have its prices.

But am I truly immortal? Am I better than a human? True, they are frail creatures, easily killed and manipulated even easier. But they also show courage. And in that courage can show uncanny strength and endurance. But they are mortals. Dying after their time has expired, while I live on.

Or do I? Again, I ponder the question in detail. Am I truly immortal? Granted, I do not die after a certain number of years, but my existence could easily be challenged and defeated in battle, or after a chain of events. The same is true of humans as well. And I must hide myself from the sun, lest my body be burned and turned to ash. The sun is truly a monster to me in it's own right. Even the eldest and most powerful Kindred stand no chance against its destructive rays.

Humans also don't have to contend with a Beast that constantly threatens to overwhelm them and consume the last of their humanity. They do not have to contend with an all consuming hunger which left unchecked or uncared for could turn even the calmest and tamest of vampires into undead, craven killers.

Or am I not thinking this through either? The thought puzzles me at first, but then I begin to see the point more clearly. Humans have Beasts of their own that they must do battle with on a daily basis. And those that succumb to its allure and false promises of power and free will become consumed by it. And humans are dominated by a hunger also.

A hunger for knowledge.

A thirst for mystery.

A desire for love.

While only metaphorically being acknowledged, these are all important points. Humans go out of their way to do things they would not do under normal circumstances when dominated by these hungers.

They read books for hours to learn new things.

They observe things to discover nuances and subtleties in the common, everyday occurrences.

They place themselves in unbelievable dangers and face insurmountable odds when faced with a threat to someone they love.

Perhaps humans and we kindred are not so different on some levels. There even needs to be a small level of respect given to those who know of our existence and hunt us. They do what they do in the preservation of the greater good of their species.

And yet, we Kindred do the same. Our masquerade protects us from those who would do us harm, and we enforce it to preserve our race. And just as they do what is necessary, so do we. And we go so far as to kill one of our kind to preserve the entire species.

And yet, so do humans. When one of their kind murders and kills relentlessly, they are imprisoned and executed for their crime.

For the preservation of their race.

But what separates the hunters from the common human is that these hunters do it in the name of their god, claiming that our race is an abomination on this earth and a blasphemy in the eyes of God.

And then I recall what Alexis had told me many years ago. The story of Caine, and how God had punished him for murdering his brother. The stories tell of how Caine became the first vampire, later embracing others, leading to what we are on this night. And in this line of thinking emerges a great irony.

If this is true, then are the hunters not destroying the crops that God has planted on this earth? If this is true, then are the hunters not the ones that are blasphemous, while we Kindred are the true victims? It was puzzling logic, perhaps some that I may return to another night.

But then came the ultimate question of all things. Does God exist? Certainly, all the evidence I've seen seems to indicate that He does. And most certainly I do believe He exists. Perhaps he placed the Kindred and the other supernatural of this earth on the planet as a way of testing humans, ultimately preparing them for the pinnacle of some divine evolution. Or perhaps it was a mistake on His part, and He simply has decided to use this mistaken opportunity to test mortal and supernatural alike. Puzzling thinking indeed.

I can't help but wonder though, did He truly give man and immortal the power to shape their own path in life, or does He indeed have a set path for us that we are destined to follow? If the latter were true, the in His hand right now is a script, while the other types these thoughts into my head with some heavenly computer. But if the former were true, then that would mean that I am truly having these thoughts and seriously considering their answers and meanings.

Such deep thinking keeps me from hearing Faith call my name. It is only when she finally nudges me that I hear her calling.

"Apologies, James, but I need some help with my studies if you have a few moments."

I smile at my adopted childe, and placing my books and thoughts on the table for later consumption; I rise from my chair and smile at her.

"I do have some free time, my dear. Please, show me what you need help with."


End file.
